As a working mom, I constantly come across articles about trying
to have it all or, why you need to spend more time with your kids. And while rationally
I know it’s near impossible to successfully juggle a career and motherhood and
not miss a beat in either one, internally I somehow refuse to believe it.
Sometimes, I’m ever more determined to make it work because
I was such a latch-key kid. By the time I was 12, may parents were divorced,
both working full time and my younger brother had some serious disabilities.
So, as long as I wasn’t running the streets, I was fine. I always swore my
children’s lives would be different, that I’d be super involved and be there
for every big moment – and of course have a thriving career.
I had a particularly tough week last week when my assistant
director resigned. The timing couldn’t have been worse, as I already had a staff
member on leave, and another one month from going on leave. As I had one of my
many breakdowns that week, I called my mom, trying to make sense of it all. “I’m
so overwhelmed,” I cried. “Apparently I stink as a boss, and as a mom.” I was
lamenting the present and future, feeling frustrated that I have to send my
kindergartener to camp this summer.
Then my mom, pointed something out: while I
may have had a pretty independent childhood, it has turned me into a very
strong, very ambitious adult. And my younger brother and 2 younger
step-brothers, who were all respectively the baby – and were babied, are still
trying to become self-sufficient at age 30 or above. So, maybe making your kids
do these things on their own – have experiences, letting others teach them,
learning to navigate the world, without you there for every milestone – or molehill
– is a good thing.
Now, there are things my parents did miss (that I’m sure
they didn’t mean to), that I will try really hard to avoid. But, I’m starting
to realize that it’s also OK to put them emphasis into what makes me fulfilled,
what makes me who I am, while I let my kids navigate the world a bit. Because
the one thing I can say that I always noticed my parents' passion for their respective professions. And that's something I’ve always wanted
in my own, grown-up life. So, maybe it’s OK to aspire to “do it all” as
long as you are grounded in reality enough that you don’t beat yourself up if
you fail. And more importantly, to teach your kids to go out there and do the
same.
